I don’t consider myself a particularly jealous person. However, of late I noticed myself, for the first time, driving by a house that was for sale and feeling bitter that I can’t have it, cursing my poor car (which is pretty banged up but reliable nonetheless), and feeling entitled to more. “And what did that person do to deserve more money than me?!”
Icky, dangerous stuff, jealousy is.
Sure, we all do need a certain amount of funds to live the life we choose, and money can be a wonderful representation of creativity and hard work. However, no matter how much money you have, you could have the consciousness that it is never enough, and it never will be. I think that we live that way regarding many things besides money. Here is a personal inventory you can take about the things that you are jealous of. I have added a sample situation to illustrate.
What does that person have that I want?
Traveling to far off and exotic places.
How do I feel about this want (angry, sad, afraid, happy)?
Afraid that I’ve missed my opportunity to see the world, and will never have the money and time to go have an adventure in another country.
Do I really want that? What would I believe about myself differently if I had that? What personal qualities would I possess?
I really want to travel. If I did, I would believe that I am: worldly, independent, and adventurous.
Take that new belief about yourself and hold it in your hand. Look at it, feel it, get the texture and color of it. What is it called?
This is my adventurous, independent self. It’s a deep blue, with ridges and hollows like a topographic globe.
Turn that new belief into a mantra. Repeat it several times in the tone that feels right and really breathe it into your body
I am an adventurous, independent woman! I am an adventurous, independent woman!
When you notice yourself coveting something you don’t have, close your eyes and imagine that new belief about yourself in your hands once more. Repeat the mantra, letting it fill your body from the crown of your head to your toes.
Cultivate this sense of peace and of already having the power to believe anything about yourself that you choose. From that perspective, check to see if it is true that you want that thing you felt jealousy about. You might realize you don’t really want that; that you wouldn’t be the self that you love if you had that. If you still do want it, it won’t carry that desperate “charge” it did before.
Listen to what it might be telling you about what you would like to change in your life.
In this example, the woman might realize that her life is actually really adventurous as it is, and she just needs to pat herself on the back. Or, she might still want to travel to another country. She can make a plan to attain that goal, using the mantra that she is an independent, adventurous woman who has everything she needs to make world travel happen.
The key is to lift the shame off of our feelings so we can actually see what they’re about. So, if you’re jealous, forgive yourself and reflect and see what that has to tell you about you.
I’d love to hear about your experience of this exercise, so please email or write a comment!
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I am a coach, facilitator and program director in Denver, Colorado. I bring a high-performance mindset from 18 years leading in global corporations, startups, non-profits and Higher Ed. I’ve also honed skills in emotional intelligence and practical spirituality through training with ICF, Shadow Work®, Insights Discovery and motherhood. If you’re ready to do powerful inner work, and also get tangible results in your external environment, please follow my blog and reach out to talk about coaching!
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