Yesterday I explored the topic of tantrums. I invited you to consider ways in which you have put your “tantrum-thrower” in shadow, and ways that it comes out anyway. Here are some benefits to consciously throwing a good tantrum:
You can learn a lot from an emotional breakdown. A new friend posted this in response to my Facebook link to the first post:
breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs. a good tantrum can be life-affirming. the afterglow of a tantrum holds great potential in which we are invited to reflect on the parts of ourselves that are begging us to be acknowledged.
Today I had a mini-breakdown; I was trying to install and use “FeedBurner” as a wordpress plugin so that many wonderful people can easily sign up to get my blog as an RSS feed. I couldn’t get it right. So frustrating! There was a good deal of whining, much to my office-mate husband’s annoyance. After walking away from the situation, I can reflect on what the tantrum taught me. I have issues about not being able to do things right, the first time. I’d like to be able to just accept that, for instance, wordpress requires a lot of troubleshooting. But the reality is that if I don’t get something right, I tell myself that it must be because I’m not smart enough. I have an idea of where I first witnessed and owned this dynamic, which I won’t go into.
Living in the world can be difficult. I know that a lot of spiritual folks will tell you that it isn’t, or shouldn’t be. I personally don’t know how you can look at the state of the earth and people and decide that you are going to have an easy experience where everything works out for you all the time. That doesn’t seem wise, or particularly fair, to me.
We all face challenges, and we all have wounds at various stages of healing. All of that emotion builds up inside and it needs to come to a focus, be blown up, and released. Purification is pretty impossible without that kind of catharsis. After a tantrum, breath in and out and feel the blessed emptiness of letting that intense energy out.
Playful Inner Child
I admitted to sometimes enjoying my bouts of anger and tantrum-throwing. I can laugh at myself for how serious and dramatic I get when I’m worked up. It’s hilarious. Especially when it’s about something so silly as a wordpress plugin.
You don’t want to go around angry all the time, because that is not being responsible with your warrior energy. But sometimes you need to let your anger out so that you know it’s there, and it’s trustworthy. You need to know that you are in control of your inner warrior; it’s not in control of you. Throwing a good tantrum in a safe way can give your warrior the chance to kick and scream.
If we want to enjoy these tantrum gifts, we have to be responsible in how we do it and create safe space.
Here are some requirements of safe space:
Not in public
That might seem obvious. However, I think sometimes people think that as long as their intention is pure, they should be able to do anything anywhere and people will respect and understand it. I guarantee you that if you start flipping out in the center of your local mall, you’re going to have a mall cop situation on your hands.
There are no real-life consequences.
That means that your tantrum is not going to effect any other person’s life or hurt property (unless it’s a prop you have every intention of tearing the shit out of in the process, that’s okay).
You are alone, or in a confidential group or coaching session where everyone is there for this kind of emotional work.
Shadow Work® containers can be a safe place for exploring your inner child and warrior. There are also Shadow Work® tools you can practice at home on your own. There are many other modalities that create safe space for deep emotional release.
I hope discussing how to have a tantrum didn’t just suck all the fun out of it. We’re all entitled to our spontaneously squirmy, whiny moments. I just mean that if you want to really let it rip, and have a Transformational Tantrum experience (I think I’ll copyright that!) do it safely. Get to know yourself better, access the power of your warrior, and have fun in the process.
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I am a coach, facilitator and program director in Denver, Colorado. I bring a high-performance mindset from 18 years leading in global corporations, startups, non-profits and Higher Ed. I’ve also honed skills in emotional intelligence and practical spirituality through training with ICF, Shadow Work®, Insights Discovery and motherhood. If you’re ready to do powerful inner work, and also get tangible results in your external environment, please follow my blog and reach out to talk about coaching!
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check out the books “the new primal scream” by arthur janov and “the mindbody prescription” by dr. john sarno. and the website “reality sandwich–the healing power of anger”
the movie “Network” is a classic that celebrates the constuctive power of anger